At first, I felt like shit when i saw this. I was disappointed in myself. All that time and effort and my bank account looked like this? I didn’t want to let myself drop below 1k unless there was a dire need to spend that money. Granted, my need for mobility was pretty dire considering I need a way to get myself to work, and with the next semester starting up I’m not going to have Jesse drive me to school every day. It just hurt a bit to see that money go. 

Then I stepped back. This was all my own money. Not a dime from my parents or anyone else. This is money I’ve obtained by my damn self and I should be proud that I’ve even accumulated enough to purchase a car that I now own flat out, no payments, no debt, nothing. That’s my car, not a car my parents gave me, or bought for me. I own this.

Granted, I am 21, owning my own car should not be that big of an accomplishment. It’s little steps like this though. I think everyone who knows me is aware of the fact that I haven’t exactly been “on top of things” these past few years like I should have been. I’ve gotten caught up in the comfort of not applying myself to anything that requires a risk or heavy sum of effort as well as the comfort of not focusing on much else besides an extensive social life and an even more extensive substance(s) abuse habit. This past semester has been the first time I can recall actually trying at something…anything…in an extremely long period of time, and even then, it’s still a work in progress. I could have done much more work this past semester. I made a lot of excuses and procrastinated about as much as I used to. At the same time though, it was better than any semester in my college year thus far. I learned things, and I actually got to the point where I decided on a major. I’m 4 years late to the table, but you better fucking bet I’m still making my plate.

Now, it’s not so big of a deal to me. Especially when I keep in mind I have 4 paychecks sitting on my desk that I stopped myself from depositing in fear of falling into the “I got extra money, I got this” mindset that I know all too well. That’ll all be gone too once Alex and I get to building that computer, but the computer is just another investment to me, as well as it being the one leisure-related purchase that I’ve been saving fervently for.

It’s all a process. A work in progress. Step one was to obtain my own means of transportation. Now for step two. Obtain my own place of residence. With the way things are looking financially, Jeff and I might actually be able to afford this now. Our plans took much longer to come to fruition than we had hoped, but they’re slowly becoming a reality.

This process has bettered me as a person.

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3. kaisselkaija said: I’m really proud of you best. You’ve really stepped up. Keep it up!
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